#been really unmotivated when it comes to art lately ..

[wowiezowiebaby]

Artfight season is coming up !! Wish me luck preparing so many references 💔💔 have a pumpkin patch !!

[agi-ppangx]

💭rivals to lovers (100 followers special)

chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | jisung | felix | seungmin | jeongin

"i thought you wouldn't come to my exhibit," you heard hyunjin as he approached you. you didn't look at him, too stared into one of his paintings. you attended yet another of hyunjin's exhibitions in your local art gallery in the span of six months. he was thriving, it was almost as if the inspiration hadn't left him for once. you felt bittersweet about it. on the one hand you were truly amazed by his artworks. hyunjin's attention to detail always made you speechless and as an artist yourself, you examined his works and tried to incorporate the same details into your paintings. on the other hand however, you were jealous, so incredibly jealous - you wished your paintings were better, you wished for more exhibits, you wanted to amaze people as much as he did or even more. and even though you were appreciated by local art critics and media, you'd always felt as if your art was lacking something. that's why you and hyunjin were waging a silent battle among yourselves for the favour of critics and art lovers. after all, you also used to have exhibitions in this gallery in the past. 

"it's always nice to know what i'm up against," you murmured, studying the canvas in front of you. "i always assumed you didn't like my art," he then said, taking one step closer to you and pointing at the painting. "i've never said i didn't like it," "then what do you think about it?" you took a moment to gather your thoughts. "it intrigues me, i appreciate it. you always know when to stop, it's like there are so many untold feelings and emotions within you, waiting to be set free," you answered his question. it was genuine - you've always thought hyunjin's art was exceptional. "you should write poetry, yn" he giggled under his nose. you missed the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks. "is it your attempt to make fun of my art?" "no, i'm just saying that you're really good with words," "and i'm even better with a brush," you replied confidently, finally turning to him and looking him in the eyes. you examined his look - he was grinning and you noticed his hair was way longer than the last time you saw each other. you wondered if they were as soft as you imagined. "how've you been lately?" hyunjin's voice helped you to come back to reality. "i've been quite good, thanks for asking," you replied simply, not wanting to get into details. he smiled, but something in it felt off. "that's great. did you paint anything? i haven't seen your works in a while," hyunjin then asked, it seemed as if he wanted to get into details. you shrugged your shoulders and once again turned to face the painting. you haven't seen your works in a while too. "i'm taking things slow for now," you mumbled, not wanting to admit to him how unmotivated you'd been in the last couple of months. hyunjin hummed at your words, a faint "mhm" left his mouth. you expected him to leave you for now, but instead you heard him speak after a while. "hey, why don't we go to dinner together?" you froze in your spot. a dinner with hyunjin? "my treat," he added, you could quite literally hear him smirk. you looked at him, but not as confidently as before. you studied his expression, his soft smile and friendly gaze made you oddly calm. after a moment you cleared your throat and spoke. "okay, let's go."

hyunjin drove you to one of the restaurants downtown. it wasn't anything extremely fancy, but it looked like a nice place. you sat across from each other, hyunjin's piercing gaze never leaving you. it felt weird, to say the least. you'd never really spent time with him outside of the gallery. quite frankly, hyunjin intimidated you. he was well known for many people in the city, mostly for his artwork, but also for his personal charm, which seemed to do the work. you always observed him from afar, too scared to get close to him. what you didn't know is that from the first time you met, hyunjin couldn't stop thinking about you and he would always make sure to approach you when he noticed you in a crowd. "now tell me, how've you really been lately?" hyunjin broke the silence between you two. you raised your eyebrows and scoffed. was he really curious or did he only want you to admit that you were struggling? "i told you i'm doing just fine," you mumbled in response. "oh, come on, you really think i'm gonna believe you? when was the last time you painted something then?" he proceeded to ask, sounding defeated. it made you dumbfounded, you'd never heard this tone from him before. "if you invited me here just to make fun of me then save it for yourself," you scoffed, but the tears were already weiling in your eyes. you looked down, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. hyunjin exhaled shakily, shocked by your words. he never wanted to make fun of you. sure, he was happy his paintings were appreciated by people and this whole rivalry thing was fun when you actually tried to make a better exhibit than him. and since you hadn't had any in months, he started to get worried for real. "you just seem… very off lately. as if your body is present but you aren't. and it hurts me to see such a talented person lose their spark," hyunjin whispered. "why do you even care?" you scoffed, wiping a single tear that fell down your cheek. god, that was humiliating. yet your heart was beating faster and your cheeks were getting hotter at the thought that hyunjin may genuinely care for you. he was staring at you, his smile long forgotten. you exhaled loudly. "it feels as if everything i do is pointless. i don't know why i feel this way, but it can't seem to stop. and when i sit in front of clean canvas i'm scared i'll ruin them," you uttered, more tears spilling from your eyes. hyunjin didn't waste any time, he gave you a few napkins from a dispenser and then took your hand in his. it startled you, but you didn't back off. "you've never ruined any canvas, yn. i heard people talk about your art, i read articles about it. art can be scary - but you can use your fear as your weapon and create something extraordinary with that. it's just so heartbreaking to see you like this. yn, please don't give up" you looked him in the eyes, completely astonished by his words, and squeezed his hand. "damn, hwang, you're so sappy," you giggled, wiping the last tears from your rosy cheeks. hyunjin laughed at that, feeling relieved. "hey, um… there's also something i wanted to talk to you about," he muttered suddenly, getting shy. 

two months later you were standing in front of a painting in your local art gallery. two people sitting across each other, both of them in front of canvas. in the bottom left corner was your signature. it was your exhibit. 

someone approached you and even though you didn't take your eyes off the painting, you knew exactly who was standing by your side. "i thought you wouldn't come to my exhibit," you recalled hyunjin's words and he softly laughed at that. "oh, i'm just looking for my rival's weaknesses.” you stole a glance at him, taking his hand in yours. “we both know that you’re my only weakness, hwang.”

feedback and reblogs highly appreciated🫶🏽

[thelensart]

Hi! I just wanted to tell you that i love your art so much. These last pieces you made are driving me insane....... w all the despair im feeling when i look at your art fuckkk i dont even know how to explain but they give me such a weird sort of comfort. like idk man but theres something there that always hit me in the right spot. i think theyre slowly turning my fear of being a girl kisser in a country that hates viados into something else idk what that it is but its good i think . if i could buy ur prints i would get all of em sorry if this is corny or something pls keep doing what u want forever

You may be surprised but I am a Tukan fan, they won my heart with their makeup job.

I am very grateful my art lately resonates with you. I've been switching from silly drawings to scenes of people dying with dignity and serenity since in the last months my depression has let's say metastasized to a really bad degree. I have been making those scenes to try and come to terms with the fact that I am indeed very suicidal.

I'll be making a lot more in the near future, even though I find myself very unmotivated. I'll also make cute stuff, but I feel like this new arc of mine is giving the best pieces I've made.

[usertiff]

sentence starters: across the universe

a part i gift to @tragedynoir for the 2024 gift exchange <3

i chose this movie for sentence starters, because i liked the vibes of it based off of your sun anke character, as well as her friend played by ashley moore! i obviously don't know the muses well, and the description was somewhat vague, buuuut... between her struggling with her sense of self, her dog-eat-dog mentality, her being an artist, seeking validation/etc, and the best friend being a bubbly actress, there's just a lot of themes there that reminded me of the movie. i suppose the movie has also been on my mind lately with some themes being on-point for irl issues as well. i hope you enjoy!

I can't have no one screwing up my beauty sleep before 2:00 PM.

What you do defines who you are.

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.

I understand you need to get away.

I can't pretend like it didn't happen.

This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.

Time is not on our hands. Time is slipping through them.

If nobody's everybody, then someone can be anybody, right?

(about a sketch) Hey, you didn't get my left nipple right.

Well, I was drawing from a distance. I couldn't see it properly.

We're in the middle of a revolution!

What are you doing — doodles, and cartoons?!

You don't think it's worth trying?!

We all wanna change the world.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

I've never seen [her/him/them] like that…

Why did you stop writing?

It all seems a bit unreal.

They should be radical. You should be radical. We should all be radical.

Everything's really okay, I promise...

Well... everything below my neck works fine, anyway.

All you need is love.

the rest are under the cut!

I told myself, "When I'm 64, I'll be long gone from this place." But I'm still here.

You're gonna miss this place.

I sometimes feel you're not telling me everything.

I'll be back before you know it.

You need a break from me? Is that what this is?

While I'm away, I'll write home every day and send all my loving to you.

No such professor here. Listen, I've pissed off every professor in Princeton, and they're not one of them.

I believe I'm your [son/daughter/child].

Did [she/he/they] find someone else?

There were a few hopefuls over the years. I think I scared them off.

Look, I didn't come here to derail your life.

Fifteen bucks says you miss this shot. Fifty says your [sibling] still marries me.

You're wanted by the cops, eh? FBI?

You know, it looks to me as though you're the one on the run.

What would they have done if they caught you?

I'm never having children. Think about it, it's pure narcissism. I mean, people putting out little carbon copies of themselves, going: "Oh, doesn't he have his father's eyes? Doesn't he have his mother's lips?" It's… It's disgusting.

Is that fashionable? Your haircut? Or... lack of one.

Goddamn it! Be serious, for once!

What do you actually intend to do with your life? Why is it always about, "What will you do? What will you do? What will he do? Oh, my God, what will he do?" Why isn't the issue here who I am?

What you do defines who you are.

Sorry you had to sit through that.

My education is rarely a topic of conversation.

Turns out [he/she/they're] just a working stiff like myself.

I've spent half my life trying to hate [her/him/them].

I never realized I had it so easy. I mean... we're so... normal.

Goddamn it! It's like this every time I come home!

What the hell do they talk about when I'm not here?

He's a sailor on leave. He needs a bar, a brawl, and a brothel.

If I don't go back to college I'll do what any irresponsible, unmotivated dropout would do: go to New York. Like, tonight.

I can't have no one screwing up my beauty sleep before 2:00 PM.

You have a good memory for faces? There's no mirror in your bathroom.

What the hell are you doing, man?

I write my own songs. I got 20 in a notebook... another 10 in my head.

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.

I understand you need to get away.

You don't have to talk about this.

I can't pretend like it didn't happen.

They were the first person I knew to die. I'd never even been to a funeral before.

This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.

I saw you at the peace march. I was moved by your speech.

You're up before 2 and looking wicked cool. Who's it for?

Time is not on our hands. Time is slipping through them.

No point butting your heads bucking the system.

Never knock the way another cat swings.

"I am me as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

If nobody's everybody, then someone can be anybody, right

(about a sketch) Hey, you didn't get my left nipple right.

Well, I was drawing from a distance. I couldn't see it properly.

Why were you so rude before? It wouldn't kill you to talk to [her/him/them].

We're in the middle of a revolution!

What are you doing — doodles, and cartoons?!

I would lie down in front of a tank if it would stop this war and bring [name] home!

You don't think it's worth trying?!

Maybe when bombs start going off here, people will listen.

We all wanna change the world.

I can't do this right now.

Don't you know it's gonna be all right?

I've never seen [her/him/them] like that...

Get this clown out of here! Now!

What is the matter with you? Why would you do that?

I'm sick and tired of violence.

Why did you stop writing?

It all seems a bit unreal.

Is this real enough for you?

They should be radical. You should be radical. We should all be radical.

This war just keeps going on and on and nobody's listening!

Everything's really okay, I promise...

Well… everything below my neck works fine, anyway.

I don't understand what the problem is.

Get your hands off me!

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

There's no one to save who can't be saved.

All you need is love.

[hasanawolf]

Does all this Mouthwashing art mean you will stop posting Tnmn? I really like MW but i’m still so deep into Tnmn =͟͟͞͞(꒪ᗜ꒪‧̣̥̇)

No, I really want to continue my TNMN AU. There’s still so much I want to tell, I haven’t posted about Izaack and Francis’ first date, I haven’t posted the reason Francis lactates hehe, I wanna tell Francis’ story with Nacha, and I want to continue as well Max’s story with Mia and Angus, and specially tell all of Angus’ lore which I put SO MUCH thought into 🥹

Unfortunately my stupid ass brain works only with hyper fixations and lately the only thing that’s been on my mind has been Mouthwashing. But I don’t see myself overstaying my visit in this fandom. With all the OCEAN of drama that’s happening rn on Twitter, it’s been really harrowing for me, even if I haven’t really gotten any hate myself (knock on wood) or have engaged in arguments. Seeing other artists get hate for the FUCKING STUPIDEST REASONS is very discouraging. And every time *I* post something, I brace myself for any backlash. Checking comments in my art gives me anxiety, instead of, you know, looking forward to it. And I just… I’m starting to feel unmotivated to keep doing MW art.

I miss TNMN, I miss the wholesome fandom, I miss when all the drama I had to face was people asking about Afton in my Max/Mia art 🫠

So… I’ll check the list of the things I wanna draw for MW (which is not very long anyway), see if I still feel like drawing any of those, get those done, and then come back home ❤️‍🩹

Sorry, this was a little bit of a vent

[rub1shhh]

Taking Break…

(vent again. sorry)

Hey guys. I think I'm gonna take a break from the Internet to work on myself. I've been feeling extremely unmotivated lately. My art block comes here and there and it always kills my mood and I'm just acting like a completely bad person. I feel empty inside and I can't talk to anyone. My friends never include me in anything and leave me alone at the lunch table or just don't speak to me only when they don't have anyone to talk to. Maybe I'm a narcissist but I don't understand why they only speak to me whenever they need it. I hate hurting people's feelings or leaving them In the dark but they seem to do that to me without me realizing it (until yesterday). I don't want to be their friend anymore but idk how to tell them. Like idk I'm so stuck in this loop. Idk I should stop complaining but I just don't have anyone to talk about my problems. I'm just tired at this point. I'm getting close to getting out of highschool and idk what to do after that. school doesn't help either. They stress me out and I feel like I'm gonna fail in life (which tbh I will). I just need a break to work on myself and hopefully I can find motivation if I just change my routine a bit from the usual. (Also my health is a complete disaster)

Thank you everyone who ever saw my Tumblr. My dream was making a Tumblr account and the amount of support and sweet people I met is amazing and sweet. I really do thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'll probably come back but idk when. It could be tomorrow, in a week in a month idk. Thanks to the eddsworld fandom for Being the best thing to happen in my life. Other than that thank you for reading this and I hope you all can all have a good day and soon Easter :) ♥️ 🫂

[m00dych3rry]

I have been coming up with a lot of cool ideas for my show lately while I've been working but it seems like when I get done with work, I get unmotivated to even start anything. It probably didn't help that I didn't get much sleep today. I just want to work on my project and make cool stuff. Some ideas that I do have is my characters adventuring to different worlds. That might explain the different art style changes in each episode but I'm still trying to work things out. I got a lot of stuff that I've been dealing with lately but I don't wanna start stressing out on my show too. It's supposed to be my escape from the nonsense of the real world, not to create more stress because of it. I'm just really clueless on a lot of stuff. Like there is a lot of stuff that I want to showcase on here but I know that it will spoil things and I don't want that. I'm just struggling on how to even start this show. Things irl get way too busy or out of hand for me to even want to work or I just get plain unmotivated. I wish I could find a way to get more motivated on this project and maybe start small. I'm just one person working on this project for now, unless people actually wanna help with this thing, but I would have to somewhat know you first. I just wanna be able to work on my project and be happy with it. I adore my characters and the possible story that I want for them but I really don't know what I am doing or how to even get there. If you have any suggestions, plz help me out. It would be appreciated a lot. All I know is my characters live in a sewn together world were anything is possible, some characters don't get along and others do. Each episode they go to a different world where their art style changes. I just don't know how or even why they do this. Like I'm kinda basing this off from LBP online levels where you can go anywhere and do anything. Maybe they are doing a similar thing? Like I want to incorporate LBP elements into this but also make it its own thing? If that makes sense? I think it would be better if I had someone else help with some ideas for this or maybe I should just think on this more and see where I can go from here. I've never made a show before so this is a new thing for me. I wanna try out so many cool things when it comes to art but that will take a lot of practice and time to do, which I'm already busy as it is. Like I wanna make my show but I'm gonna have to start at a slow pace instead of jumping right into this like I've done before.

[chrisevansonly]

headcanon of arlie doing a show and tell to her friends please! :D

Little Duck’s Show & Tell (A Little Duck Headcannon🐣)

Pairing: Dad! Chris Evans x Arlie Mae Evans (Little Duck)

Summary: It’s show and tell day at daycare, and Arlie brought along her friend Duckie to show the class

Warnings: non, just fluff

a/n: here’s a little headcannon i’ve been putting off for a while, i’ve just been really unmotivated to write anything with chris lately, which is how it goes sometimes you can probably tell by how short this is…anyway enjoy :)

Arlie had been waiting for this day for the past week and a half, it was finally show and tell day at her daycare and she had brought Duckie along with her for her friends to meet

Chris tagged along with her since you were at home not feeling well, so bed rest was still on your agenda for the next 2 weeks to make sure baby boy stayed put and healthy

Chris watched Arlie sit up front with Duckie on her lap, a smile on her face

“This Duckie, he’s my duck, and he is ‘vewy nice and soft! He likes to swim and play with our doggy!”

The kids in her class listened eagerly as she continued on with her speech about her little duckling, her teacher’s paying just as much attention

“My daddy also made Duckie his own house! It’s so cool!”

Chris chuckled as Arlie smiled in his direction, sending him a small wave

“Wow that is so cool Arlie! Thank you for bringing him in!”

Arlie looked to her teacher and giggled

“You welcome! Anybody want to pet Duckie? He soft!”

A chorus of soft ‘yes please’ filled the room as everyone circled around and took turns petting Duckie, meanwhile Chris spoke to the head teacher of Arlie’s class, picking up some forms and some art she’d been making over the past few days

“Daddy?”

Chris looked down when Arlie tugged on his pants gently, Duckie now sitting in the pocket of her overalls

“Hi baby, what’s up?”

“Can I come home with you now? Wanna see Momma pwease”

He chuckled nodding his head while rubbing her head gently

“Of course you can duck, we’ll get your things and get going okay?”

Arlie nodded before taking off to grab her backpack and the rest of her things, Chris couldn’t stop the smile on his face at her excitement not only to bring a part of her life to her friends and teachers, but also at seeing her become so independent and grow each and everyday

“I’m ‘weady daddy!!”

Snapping out of his daze he smiled and grabbed Arlie’s hand, the two of them saying goodbye to her class before leaving

“I love you and I’m so proud of you little duck”

“I love you too daddy!!”

Chris cherished these little moments he got with Arlie alone because he knew with a new addition to the family things were about to get as crazy as ever, and he wouldn’t have it any other way

[glitchyko]

I’m sorry I haven’t really been posting art lately, maybe beyond some simple sketches, I’ve been busy and things have been hectic lately, I do have things I want to make but life has been kinda rough-

But there is something’s I do kinda wanna address and maybe get some advice about it cause I’m not entirely sure how to deal with this issue even though it severely affects how I got about creating art and doing projects and such-

So, I have really untreated ADHD, and I struggle a LOT with executive dysfunction, especially when it comes to starting tasks, and actually finishing them, I have so many WIPs that aren’t past the sketch phase, once I get the sketching phase done I never come back to it, and sometimes I can’t even get myself to start the drawing, and i can’t get myself to draw if I’m “not in the mood” and it’s so frustrating cause I want to draw but I just can’t

A big issue I have when it comes to wanting to do things that wouldn’t be just a one time thing or a drawing that’s wouldn’t be a sketch is that I tend to really think about all the work I have to do, how much I have to think of, how long something will take, how much faster I need to work, do I have all the skills I need to do this, am I capable of doing this, can I work on this and other stuff at the same time, will it turn out good, etc and I end up scaring and unmotivating myself out of doing the thing I wanted to do, I have stories and projects and characters I want to tell and show and do but when I think of all the work I’d have to do I end up just, not doing it, this is why things I have shown and talked about here just, don’t go anywhere, and it gets really disheartening cause even though I want to do so much, I just can’t

And when I see artists who can make work quickly, get themselves to draw so easily, who don’t have to do so many different steps just to finish a mere sketch, I get frustrated with myself, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but it’s so difficult, I’m a huge perfectionist to the point where if something doesn’t look good enough, I can’t work on it anymore and I end up abandoning the drawing

The last thing I want to bring up is style, there’s so many things I want to do with my art and how I go about drawing characters and such, but when I try doing what I want, it just, doesn’t look right or good to me, which probably stems from the perfectionism and comparing myself and my work to others. But there’s the also a problem of me deciding what do I really want to do with my art? Do I wanna go more stylized or realistic? How far do I wanna go with something? I just can’t decide because I don’t know if it’ll look good, when I see someone do something I think, “I wanna do that” and then I see someone else do something completely opposite of that and think, “I wanna do that” and I get so frustrated because I don’t know which one I want to actually do

But yeah, this ended up kinda devolving into a vent post, I apologize if I got a bit too personal, but these issues of mine have been on my mind for a long time, and I want to deal with them and get better. So I’ve finally decided to work up the courage to talk about them and ask for help and advice, which is why I’m making this post, if you have any ideas or advice on how to deal with these problems, even if it’s something small, please let me know, I would really appreciate it, thank you.

[mess-with-legs]

I really miss drawing and creating content, but with the start of the school year I'm afraid I won't have much time for it.

My studies are very important to me and this year is decisive if I want to go to college.

I'll try to post once in a while since I still want to grow my account and share my ideas, that is the reason why I started making art after all.

Sadly I've been feeling quite unmotivated when it comes to drawing or animating or working in any of my projects, lately I've noticed that I'm thinking more about what the algorithm may like rather than what I want to do. I need to take some time to get back in touch with myself and my creativity.

That being said, I hope I can see you all soon <3

[partynoobvanii]

Small Important Update :

Hello there! It's Ethanvanii here, posting a small update cause I've been inactive on Tumblr lately, and I wanted to clean stuff up.

I will be on a break now, I won't be online so much and I'll be working on homework, and other art projects/series.

Where i have been in life 📣

So far, i have been behind on homework, so much that the homework line on my computer is RED. And not completed, behind even. But yeah, aside from that.. Life has been a bit boring and honestly sad. I've been worried for my online son, Ryker since they have been going through a lot of mood swings, terrible shit happening to them and all. I hope they'll try to stay safe and healthy while I'm gone for a bit.

About Sickpants Lullaby ☎

As you can see, Sickpants Lullaby has been on hiatus for like... I dunno... SINCE LIKE OCTOBER... But the question is, WHY was it on hiatus?

Homework aside, the reason why i haven't worked on it was because of my motivation dying down for the series, without Cobalt/Natt here... I feel very unmotivated to work on it at the moment, he is my beautiful and silly online son, he is like a whole ray of sunshine even. It was fun to hang out with him, before he left to China... I'm honestly lucky to have him in my horrible ass life. Not having him here can be really lonely honestly, even he had that problem while working on Parodies College House (A Spongebob Parodies Fangame he made) To the point he had to put it on hiatus till Benjamin and Juan were back. (Since they are needed, cause they're voice actors in that. And also cause of the fact Cobalt misses them.)

HOWEVER....

Not to worry, cause Sickpants Lullaby will continue once he comes back! Hopefully, if I don't get art block...

ALSO...

Please do NOT slide into my DMS just to ask me when I'm gonna work on Sickpants Lullaby, or if im working on a drawing of your character. It just makes it annoying and makes me not wanna complete it anymore, I hope you understand that.

Another mention though, I have a second reason for having no motivation for working on Sickpants Lullaby as i used to.

The second reason why Sickpants Lullaby is on Hiatus ☎

The SECOND reason why the series is on hiatus, is just because I've been working on another series which is called "Ethan's Void Life (EVL for short)" more. I've lost some interest in working on Sickpants Lullaby now that Cobalt/Natt is gone, it just doesn't feel the same anymore without him... I don't feel the same joy i get while drawing Sickpants Lullaby frames for my audience as i used to.........

....But besides that, look at the bright side. At least i get a break from the Internet for a bit..? Yes, I'll be checking my Tumblr Inbox in a while, just in case to answer questions.

Anyways, time for more fun stuff.

NEW INTERESTS!! YIPPEEE- 📣

So far, I've gotten around.... Well I don't know, 3 INTERESTS?? MAYBE EVEN 5???

But yeah, I'll try my best to remember most despite my poor memory.

1. PHIGHTING! (Roblox Game)

2. Item Asylum (Also Roblox Game)

3. Guts & Blackpowder. Again, another roblox game. But this time Cobalt got me into it in the first place. I don't regret playing it.

4. Regretevator.... HOLSLSYY FUCKKKK I LOVE THIS GAME 😭😭 IT'S THE WHOLE REASON WHY MY TUMBLR USER IS NAMED AFTER PARTYNOOB NOW 💔💔💔

Stimming aside, it's a pretty cool and fun game. I liked the voice acting, fun stages, and the characters are pretty creative to be honest!

5. Dayshift At Freddy's. Despite the... Ahem... Problematic parts due to it being made in like 2018.... It's a really goofy and silly game! I honestly love it despite me still trying to get all the way to DSAF 3... DSAF 1 was a pain in the ass to play, hopefully I'll skip it and just see if DSAF 2 is easier. (Because my dumbass can't press the springlocks fast enough in the first game lmao, but don't worry i still love the game anyways)

6. Dialtown. Made by the same creator of DSAF. I really enjoyed Dialtown honestly, the dialogue, the story, and the characters! They even added some phone guy characters from DSAF into it. Maybe as a Easter egg? I don't know. Either way Dialtown was still fun. Not to mention the creator is really nice, bless their heart. :)

Interests i MIGHT stream 📣

1. PHIGHTING

NO. As much as i love it, i am ass at playing on computer, I'll most likely make a video of me playing it on phone instead of streaming.

2. Item Asylum

Possible? I haven't tested it on computer for lag, so it's a maybe for now....

3. Guts & Blackpowd-

NO. I've tested it on my laptop before, believe me. It's laggy for my small ass laptop. I'll be posting videos of me playing it on mobile instead, thank you very much... It may be less laggy on your laptop, but mine? Nah.

4. Regretevator

Yes. It's still fun either way if i die to lag, one death isn't gonna hurt my soul. ^_^

5. Dayshift at Freddy's

Maybe?? It's if I DON'T GET SPRINGLOCKED A BUNCH OF TIMES DUE TO FAILING... but yeah, it is possible, I'll be streaming myself watching DSAF 1 gameplay on youtube, and then the next streams will be me playing DSAF 2 and DSAF 3 (that's IF they don't springlock me again... It sucks tbh but it's still a loveable game)

6. Dialtown

Yes! Though I'll have to add some warnings before people watch it, since i don't want my viewers getting uncomfortable due to the themes in it.

Thats all for now, I hope the news up there was useful.

No, not the interests, the Sickpants Lullaby part.

Anyways, bye for real! :3

[stardustjessie]

Now that I'm home, and no longer working, it's being very hard deciding what to do!

I really want to get back onto making music. I just feel so horribly unmotivated, and in the great need of help understanding how instruments and mixing works on FL Studio. Like... How do I make a bass actually sound like a bass on FL Studio ? I have been wanting to finally get around to make my Discovery Album. I genuinely don't even know when I'll finish or if I'll sing for it. Being sick constantly the past month hasn't helped on that regard, and neither has failing at voice training and having no help or motivation when it comes to it.

Another project I finally want to get to is game development. I have 100 pages of documentation for a game I desperately want to make a reality. But I have no clue how to program anything. Using Godot is a mess when you've been used to Unity your whole life. I need to study its documentation to understand it better, and that'll take me forever.

Yet another project is a web comic I've been considering. You know that story I posted a while ago ? The one I deleted ? Yeah. I was thinking what to do once I finish it, and lately I realise that the sequel story I thought of is a much better and interesting story than the one I was writing. It was better as world building rather than the main events. So I want to put all the ideas into a web comic, which means spending a lot of time into it. It's hard. I might get to it, especially since I really want to be a visual storyteller.

So, yeah... These are the things I'm working on other than regular art. It's hard when you're all on your own, and you feel so unmotivated because no one is there to greatly motivate you in these projects.

I know not a single soul cares to read this, and even less will know this post exists. This is my echo chamber, because I just need to vent somewhere, and I feel to scared to tell my boyfriend or best friend about it because I feel like I'll get lectured.

[some-of-us-watch-the-sunset-too]

Part one of my book/Story!

(unnamed so far)

A/N: i’ve been feeling super unmotivated to write about the outsiders lately so i figured i’d share what i’m working on in my free time! i started writing this during the lockdown in 2020 (god that feels like a lifetime ago) but i gave up on it before i could finish because i really had no clue where i was going with it. but i came back to it when i had some free time a few months ago because i couldn’t get the main characters out of my head, i felt like i just had to tell this story. so here i am! sorry this is such a boring looking post and i don’t expect it to get many likes- but let me know what you think!

Basic plot: the year is 1926 in post-war France. two strangers come across a murder scene one night but once they call for help any trace of the crime has disappeared. they must take it upon themselves to investigate these murders, and maybe learn not just secrets about the case, but some about themselves too. (i suck at writing summaries like this it’s basically a murder mystery that’s super gay too)

As I walked home I was pulled out of my thoughts by a chilling scream. I looked up to see a large figure standing over a man. He held a knife in his left hand. A crimson liquid splattered the walls of the alleyway and there was a pool growing around the body. I went to dive behind a stack of large crates but the figure spotted me. I choked out what sounded like a squeak. I couldn't scream, I didn't dare utter a word. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. It felt as though my bones had turned to lead. All The man did was put a finger to his lips to shush me and a moment later he climbed up a ladder onto the roof of a nearby building with such speed that for a fleeting moment I doubted if I had ever seen him in the first place.

I stood there motionless until yet another man stepped out from behind a bin at the other side of the alley. I came back to reality and pulled a knife out of my pocket. I held it up in a defensive position. I had thought the man may have been an accomplice until he ran for the body. He dropped to his knees. He desperately felt for a pulse, sighed and closed his eyes. “Dead. Nobody could have survived that much blood loss.” I didn't dare to lower my blade “who are you. What are you doing here?” The man got to his feet slowly and put his hands up. “I’m Louis, Louis De la Cour.” The man spoke in a quiet, trembling voice. “Please don’t hurt me. I’m nothing but a man trying to get home.” Even in the low light of the alley I could tell that the man, Louis, was smaller than me. I noted that he had ash blond hair. Suddenly, the reality of the situation hit me like a wave, my knife fell to the ground with a clatter. “What the hell is happening? That man is dead! What are we going to do?”I felt like there was a weight on my chest. I couldn't breathe. I looked at Louis, his expression was stony. “We need to get a police officer. We can both go back from where we came and see if we can find someone. If you do not find anyone, come back here in three minutes.”

We shook hands and walked away. What was happening? There was a dead man in that alleyway. If someone had seen us…we could be thought of as accomplices. We could be killed just because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I walked at a brisk pace with my hands in the pockets of my trousers. I found a police officer easily since we were quite close to the louvre. There were always officers around that area to try to ward off anyone with the intent to steal the art kept there. I explained what happened once I caught his attention. I still felt as though I couldn't breathe and I was aware of everything happening around me. I was aware of every person walking, each voice talking in hushed whispers and I was aware of every leaf falling from the trees in the late autumn breeze. Once I had finished recounting the events I witnessed the officer demanded I bring him to the scene of the crime. We walked in silence to the alley. I relaxed a little when I noticed Louis standing at the other end again. We both looked down to where the body lay, well- where the body once lay. it wasn’t there anymore?? “Boys? I thought you said there was a murder. well where is it?” The officer was visibly angry. I felt my face get red and I stayed silent. I hated to seem like a fool. The other officer added “go home boys. There’s no corpse here. No sign of a crime. I’ll remind you, making false claims is a punishable offence.” Louis clenched his jaw and spoke up. “I assure you sir, there was a body there. We stood on either side of the alley, there was blood everywhere. I saw it with my own eyes” he kept his voice very matter-of-fact yet he commanded attention. He had a presence. It caught me off guard how this small man could make anyone focus on him just by speaking.

The two policemen walked away, once they turned the corner, Émile and Louis heard one of them laugh and say ‘Stupid youths. They must have had too much to drink!’ The other replied with a monstrous laugh. Louis looked at me and said flatly ‘I need a drink.’ I replied with a simple. ‘Me too.’ With that we walked off in silence to find the nearest bar.

i am looking for any feedback on this so if you have any opinions/questions please either send it in my asks or dm me! i’m super excited to be working on this and i hope you are as excited to read it!

[casualtydept]

venting about art block i suppose

gotta be honest i'm at a really awful impasse with my art and even my writing to some extent lately and i may as well put it out there because i've been trying to figure out how to explain it for weeks

it's not even that i find what i make Bad or i'm overly dissatisfied with it more than the usual healthy(?) amount but i feel this infuriating disconnect that i can only really blame on myself

despite having phases where i just didn't draw for months on end i've somehow ended up being aggressively hard on myself, pressuring myself to have to post at least one full completed artwork per month, forcing myself to churn something out just because i hate going a while without posting anything

and it sucks because It Is So Stupid. i feel guilty for doing literally any other hobby for an extended period of time because then it means there's no art. my moods go up and down every month leaving me rushing to try and get something done in the 1 or 2 weeks of Feeling Alive i get, because i know i'll just spend the rest of the month too tired and too unmotivated to even try.

it's only really become an issue since last year, when i started doing art again this frequently and got brave enough to even start posting my art of you know who. and it's evidently kind of spiralled from there since it stopped being just something i did for myself and became something to show others. and then i accidentally became known to strangers as that one person obsessed with that character nobody likes and now i feel like i have something to prove and a void of content that nobody else is ever really going to fill so i may as well be the one to do it

i'm bad at fandoms. i cannot talk to people. but i can make things with a little bit of me in them and share them with other people who like the same weird fictional guy as me and it makes me feel like i'm connecting. and it works and it feels good but then i run out of ideas or motivation and it gets lonely again

and now i've become so hyper aware of this fact every time an idea comes into my head i have to try and figure out if i want to draw that for me or if i only want to draw it to post it on the internet. and then i just give up because i don't know the answer and now i think i'm just guilting myself into not drawing at all just in case i'm doing it for the wrong reasons

so idk. i'm trying. everything i try just ends up with me feeling like i'm going through the motions even if i do find enough inspiration to start. i might be brave enough to post art for zero's birthday if i can stop hating it before then. but if not i will just be here in my stinky brain hole playing pikmin and whatever else until i can feel a little bit human again

[shocker54]

She grabs onto my hand "Look at me Rory" her beautiful eyes and lips, her eyes brown yet hazel and her brown hair.. she gets closer to my neck and starts kissing me and giving me hickeys. And finally, she makes her way up to my lips and starts making out with me. She sits on my lap...

She pulls away and puts my hair behind my ear "Don't let people hurt you sweetheart, and just know I didn't mean anything by that" She put a line on the counter "Here" I snort a line and she goes up to Luis "hey can you bring us home, she's just not in a good mental state right now" he brings us to lily's house, she gives him $40 and gives her 2 bags of coke "come on Rory" she makes me lay in her bed. "How high are you?" I look around.. "really high.." I begin to sweat. "Lilly I really don't-" she stops me and grabs my head and kisses my forehead "It's ok, just calm down" I hold my face and push her away and run to the bathroom. That was the first time I realized your partner could s/a you. She came into the bathroom with me and held my hair back, she slowly made her way down my top and tried to take my bra off, I couldn't help but cry... that was my only option, she didn't think I was crying because of her though, she thought I was crying because I was scared of getting sick. she helps me walk back to her bed... "Lily I need to go home in the morning, my mom will start to get suspicious of how much I've been out lately.." although getting sick did help how I was feeling, I still feel horrible. "Rory just lay down and we will worry about this in the morning" I felt my stomach drop again.. my eyes widened "Rory?.."  she grabbed a trash can.

in the morning I woke up with a pounding headache and the urge to do another line, my phone had died, and Lily was still asleep. the birds had just started to sing their beautiful morning songs. it had to have been around 4 am... I decide to lay back down and forget about my phone and doing another line, but the urge is strong... the wave of depression hits and I sit there wide awake staring at her ceiling, looking at the old glow-in-the-dark stars that must have been a huge part of her childhood, the stars didn't glow anymore. 

Lily finally wakes up "Hey Rory what are you doing up so early?" I start crying, she holds me "Rory what's wrong sweetheart talk to me..." "I-" she puts my hair behind my ears "I can't.." she sighs "Do you want to do a line is that why you're upset?"  I shake my head and look away from her "Rory, what would you like then?" "well I would like that.. but my phone is dead and I don't know what time it is and I need to talk to my mom.." she grabs my phone and plugs it in, she gets up and puts on some plaid pajama pants and finally reaches into her drawer where she keeps the coke and her id from school, she never even goes to school and I wonder how many truancy tickets she has at this point. "come with me" I follow her to the downstairs bathroom and she chops up a line and gives me the rolled up dollar bill. I snort the line and wait "How are you feeling now honey?" I shrug my shoulders and she giggles "The feeling will pass, I promise you, you've just fallen into addiction now sweetheart." I look at her "I am?" she nods her head "ok Rory we will get you home now" I look down at the ground "Can I bring some home with me?" she shakes her head and gives me a baggy. "now chin up rory and text me when you get home."

as I get home I look at my mom and smile "How was the weekend?" I nod "It was good" and walk into my dirty room. it was always messy but only because I was unmotivated and depressed... there was nothing else to do so I decided to go on my phone and text a few friends before the school year started.

finally, back at school, I walked to class my homeroom, which was an art room. I sit in my chair and put my head down, I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone I hate interacting with people and even looking at them could make them think I want to start a conversation. a few girls and mostly guys were in that classroom... I made eye contact with this girl named Leiya. She had blue eyes and was fairly big... so I felt more comfortable with her and being myself around her as I was just chubby, we had art class together as well.

My friend Zipper and I were walking in the hallway when Zipper's friend Arrow came running up to us "Oh my gosh Zipper I just had the most embarrassing thing happen to me!" zipper laughs "What happened?" "I dropped my monster in front of the whole homeroom and everyone started staring at me and laughing" I didn't wanna budge into their conversation so I just stayed quiet. "oh damn that must have been embarrassing, also Arrow you have science and Spanish and gym with Rory." Arrow smiles "Finally some classes with someone." Arrow and I and Zipper had gym and lunch with each other in 6th grade so I was somewhat familiar with Arrow.

I walked to my English class and when I walked into the classroom I saw my teacher, Mrs. Mellburg. She showed me my assigned seat and it was next to this boy JuJu he was short and had fluffy black hair.  I sit down and look at the teacher "How was everyone's summer?" I looked around the room and many people had their hands up... I began to shake my leg and grab a pencil out of my backpack "So Rory let's hear how your summer went!" I look around the room with people staring at me and girls in the back of the classroom messing around with makeup and their stupid phones "I uhm just hung out with some friends and went swimming that's it..." I say as my voice quivers. she smiles "Now everyone I'm going to pass around papers and I want you to have them done by tomorrow because we are going to be presenting these to the class first thing before we jump into our first unit" Are you fucking kidding me... presenting on the second day of school, I mine as well just sit in front of a stage and start crying. I look down at the paper, it's a get-to-know-me sheet with many weird questions. I stuffed it in my backpack and walked to my next class, science class. I'm just glad that I had that class with Arrow otherwise my anxiety would have swallowed me already...

I see Arrow standing around the fish tank my teacher had, let's just call her Mrs. G. as I don't remember how to spell her name... Arrow walks up to me "Have you found your seat yet?" I shake my head trying not to cry, still worried about tomorrow.  I look around the classroom and find my seat,  next to a blonde girl. her name was Sonya, Arrow sat in the front row close to where the teacher sat. and next to this boy named Dakota, who was tiny and also blonde he looked like a weird dork "Alright class, we're going to do ice breakers!!" oh gosh I just want this day to end already, there's so much anxiety involved into it already.

Arrow and I walked to Spanish class which was probably just another class full of anxiety "So how's your day been so far Rory?" I look down at the ground "Eventful" Arrow chuckles "Same" We get into Spanish and find our seats, of course, we were separated, I sat across from this girl Named Savannah. She had ginger hair, bright blue eyes, and an undercut, you could tell this girl was gay. She looked at me and I looked at her looking away from me, we continued and our teacher told us we're going to play would you rather? I followed Arrow the whole time.

I get home from school and sit in my bed, snort a line, and go on TikTok, watching all these videos of sad trans kids and depressed girls who hated themselves. I got a text from Lily "How was your first day?" I text back "Very eventful and full of anxiety. hbu?" "saw my ex and all these boys were surrounding me in the gym" I text back "Ew." "When would you wanna hang out again Lily?" "my mother's home again, so maybe next week..." Lily's mother wasn't the greatest, big-time addict and would leave home for multiple days and it hurt Lily mentally, she would sometimes spend days outside snorting with older girls in alleyways and would drink at the early age of 12 alone at night since her mother was never home there was no way of stopping her. she used to burn and would smoke cigarettes as well. I once saw her with multiple burn marks on her arms and thighs. "ah alr well lmk when you can" I replied and sighed deeply.

I get in the shower and sit on the ground thinking about what life could be like if stuff never happened when I was a child, I set the shower even hotter than it was when I started it, I liked the burning feeling on my skin and how it would turn red, I sat there for hours in the shower like that and just thought to myself.  just thinking about all the embarrassing memories that happened during the day like the girls and boys who laughed at me and how much I was bullied in elementary school. "Rory get the hell out of the shower!" my dad must have been home...great, just great... I hurry up in the shower and finally get out, I look in the mirror at my aching body, why the hell do I have to look like this, why can't I just be skinny like all of the other girls I know. I go back to my room and get dressed. I know Lily told me I was falling into addiction but I just don't even want it right now,

I look at my phone and see no one has texted me, which means Lily must have been getting slammed into a wall or getting something thrown at her. I decide to just go to sleep and worry about what was going to happen tomorrow.

I wake up way passed my alarm and look at my phone 6:45... fuck, this is bad. I take a quick shower and get dressed, I look at my phone, and still no text from anyone... I try not to cry, I get my air forces on and my id and grab my backpack, and go to the car with my brother Terrance. "Rory why have you been leaving so much" of course my weird brother wants to know what I'm doing he's always so nosy. "Just been hanging out with a friend" he clears his throat "mm ok" my mom comes out of the house "get in the car!" I sit in the back looking at the trees and houses, still waiting for a text back from Lily.

I stand outside with Arrow and zipper. "So how was your guys night?" Says Zipper, I look down at the ground, Arrow replies "well I actually was trying to get my sister to stop attacking me and she just wouldn't stop." Zipper laughs "How about you Rory?" I look up "huh?" "How was your night?"  "Oh uhm it was okay.." zipper looks at me funny and so does Arrow.

I sit in homeroom with my head down ignoring leiya. I get in English and completely forgot we had to present "You ready to present Rory?" I look around the classroom.. "uh yeah.." she saw the worry in my eyes "alright I know you'll do great!" I was of course the first to present... "so uh my names Rory, I go by she/her.. my favorite color is black.... And uh my favorite summer memory was when I went to my friend's graduation."  I say as my voice shakes, My teacher claps and no one else does. I sit down in my seat and I feel a pencil get thrown at me. I put my head down, and listen to the other kids present. "Rory pick your head up please it's very disrespectful." I pick my head up and lay my head in my hand. As the other students finish presenting I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, I raise my hand "yes Rory?" "May I please use the restroom?" "Go ahead" I grab my bag and go to the restroom and ball my eyes out. I look at my phone and still no text back. I hear the bell ring and get out of the bathroom before all of the other girls get in there and stink up the bathroom with weed and vape, and before I get picked on..

I walk to my other class and see Arrow and try and contain myself "so how did your last class go?" "Pretty shitty how about yours?" "It was alright the kids were just so loud and annoying the hell out of me" I sit down and we go over rules and all the other weird stuff we had to talk about.

I text my mom "can I please go home I really don't feel good" and I walk to Spanish with Arrow. I sit down next to Savannah and she looks at me again, and I look at her, but this time we kept eye contact. "Alright guys take out your computers we're going to be playing kahoot" I lay my head down and let my game play on its own.

When I get home from school I sit in my room and cry. I don't stop crying...I hear a knock on my door "Rory get the hell out here right now!" I wipe my tears away "why did I get a message from your teacher saying you kept your head down all class period?" I look down at the ground "I told you I didn't feel good but you never texted me back!" She continues to argue with me "Rory that's it! Just go back in your fucking room!" I walk away and slam my door. And text Arrow "I'm so done with my mom she literally yells at me for no reason" Arrow left me on delivered. I'm so glad it's the weekend tho because I don't know what I would do if I had another day of school. I think I would completely lose my mind.

[mikufanclub]

ahhh this is a good question ive been thinking about a lot lately. ill put my thoughts under the cut

i recently saw tumblr user @ fruitegg whom i admire so much talk about it in this post

i agree a lot with what they said and this graph they made..

a lot of my motivation comes from me being obsessed with drawing like i always have been since i was a kid, its how im best able to express myself.. i always want to draw but a lot of the time i struggle to think of something i actually want to see. i do keep a list of ideas/prompts but sometimes im not able to draw it as good as i think it should be so i end up sitting on them for months.. on the other hand if you are obsessed with media/a character your oc this helps to want to draw them.

(itachi voice) to test my abilities. lately i am trying to draw as much as possible because i want to get better. it really doesnt matter what you draw as long as you are drawing.. for me i do a lot of figure studies because i mostly draw people. i draw what i like to look at! i see what i think is cute/beautiful/sexy and i want to recreate that. like i have one billion pics of anime figures saved to either redraw straight up or just use the pose as reference.

idk i am rambling now. i am unemployed so i have a lot of time to draw. this gets understandably harder when you actually have a life. i think whats most important is to have fun while drawing, if drawing feels like a slog and youre not having fun or feeling unmotivated maybe try different things! draw what you love, do a study of art/an artist you admire, or something you would usually never draw (like a fish or piece of heavy machinery) or try a new medium, or do something that isnt art for a while. you also dont have to be drawmaxxing or drawing every day.. sometimes its after a long break that i draw something i think is especially good

ive been drawmaxxing